When my grandmother became a widow in the early '70s, she stayed that way. Never dated, never remarried. When my mother became a divorcee in the late '90s, she jumped on JDate.com and into the world of cyber-dating.
When I was in my early 20s I made the decision that I wanted to end up with someone Jewish - thus I joined JDate as well. So there we were, two women of vastly different generations searching for our perfect Jewish man - on the Internet.
At first, I was reluctant to try to meet a man in the same venue my mother was. I was skeptical about Internet dating, but my religion is important to me and I joined anyway. One of my first experiences was one of my best. I met someone, and we dated for a considerable amount of time. When it ended, I was devastated, and only one person gave the best, most solid advice to get me through the breakup: My mom.
It began to dawn on me that she might actually know what she was talking about. Not only had she been through a divorce, but she was also on the dating scene and could probably relate to what I was going through more than at any other time in my life. And oh, yeah, she's also a relationship coach by trade.
It was about this time that she was starting to build her business, Heightened Connections (marcyrich.com), and I was starting to see her as a resource to help navigate my way in the adult dating world.
As I started to date more seriously, I got my heart broken more seriously. And my mom was always there to help me assess the situation, evaluate my next move and walk me through the healing process. And as she began dating more, I was there to help her figure out the Internet. I wrote her profile, helped pick out her pictures and searched for dates with her.
Of course, our relationship isn't as "Gilmore Girls" as it sounds.
She is still my mother, and she does drive me crazier than almost anyone. And when she kicks into "mom" mode and complains that she's the only one not planning a wedding or having grandchildren, it makes me never want to tell her another thing about my dating life.
But I have to admit, she knows her stuff and she's usually right on with her advice. And sometimes, she seeks my advice as well.
Although we have almost 30 years between us, our dating stories tend to be remarkably similar. Recently, my sister ended a long-term relationship and she joined JDate as well. Now the three of us are all single and cyber-dating.
This unique experience makes me think about my grandmother. I am almost certain she would not understand the concept of JDate; she couldn't even figure out her TV remote. But then again, neither can my mother, and she's become a pro at this cyber-dating thing.
Some of my friends have parents who are doctors or lawyers and grew up getting free medical or legal advice. But I feel I have been given the most invaluable advice from my relationship-coach mom - the steps to building a successful relationship. And it's reassuring to know that when I'm in my next relationship, she will be there to guide me. And when she needs help troubleshooting her way through JDate, I will be there to guide her - until she asks me the same question 20 times and never listens to the answer. Then my sister can take over.
Melissa Rich is a senior marketing manager for Harkins Theatres and lives in Scottsdale with her dog, Sniffers. Contact her at melissarich@aol.com.
